Letting your babies go is so hard. I remember the day leading up to my oldest daughter’s first day of Kindergarten. This was before we began our homeschool journey. I was pregnant with baby number 3 and an emotional rollercoaster. I seriously think I cried the entire week before her first day of school.
Mark had to take her to orientation and meet her teach the day before because I just couldn’t get myself together. I didn’t want her to feel bad or take her excitement away. This was a big moment in her life. So, the two of them left together with great big smiles on their faces and Makenna’s backpack on her back. I tried to hold back my tears but the minute they walked out the front door, the tears just ran down my face.
Here I am again. 13 years later and we are preparing to drop off our firstborn at college next week. I’m doing my best to keep myself together for her. But after my morning walk today, I freaking lost it. I could feel myself getting aggravated and irritable with my husband. Which is always a sign for me that there is something within me that is bothering me. As soon as he left for work, I just laid there and sobbed.
Friend, it’s ok to not be ok. This is coming from someone who is always looking for the positive, forward-thinking and trying to learn whatever lesson I can from whatever situation I find myself in.
But there are days when you have to take the time to feel and be real with your heartaches, pain, disappointments or flat out sadness because another season is coming to an end.
If you have a son or daughter who is getting ready to move on and start his or her life without you, it’s ok to not be ok for just a little bit. For crying out loud, this was the life you have had for the past 18 years. To think of a life different from that is not easy. You already know the next season will be just as good or if not even better. It’s just going to be different. Different is not bad either. But I don’t know about you, but I’m sure going to miss the days of organized chaos in our house.
But for a moment, you don’t need to think about the next chapter. You already know God has a purpose for you outside of being a mom. But honestly, this was the only call on your life that has really mattered. All the other accomplishments have been incredible but being a mom. There is nothing that compares to this. Yes, you will always be mom, but again it’s just different. You already know this is what you have been preparing your kids for. You already know this has to happen.
But you have permission to grieve the life that has made you the woman you are today. For a moment, this doesn’t have to be about your kids or your husband. This is about you. God loves and cares about your feelings too. God can handle all of you. So allow yourself to have all the feels and just know you did good mama. You really did.
You get to be both excited and emotional. You get to thank God for the grace given to you to raise your kids and yet be sad because the seasons are changing. In order to fully step into the next season, I believe you have to take time to celebrate and grieve what you are taking with you and yet leaving behind.
So, please give us moms our space and allow us to be sad, emotional and everything in-between.
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