Have you ever been so pissed off with yourself for wasting time and shrinking back? If so, you are in good company. The Holy Spirit has taken me deeper within healing my mind and heart from my own shame these last few months. Part of the healing process has been learning how to forgive me.
I’ve been on this speaking, writing even doing live videos on social media ( which I’ve pulled away from the videos but need to start again) for the past 12 years but on FB I started at least 7 years. The Lord gave me a vision and then confirmed this vision not only by the support of my husband, mom, and kids but by a very successful world renown motivational speaker Les Brown and a few other friends. ( There is a amazing story if you don’t know about my relationship with Les and how God brought this man into my life.)
However, because of my own insecurities which were rooted in shame, wanting to fit in more than I was willing to step out and be a trailblazer, I shrunk back and hid behind my excuses. Why? Because I could never (and still struggle with this) see myself as enough. I could only see myself through the lens of my mistakes. I’ve made a ton of them too. So, I thought I needed approval from people within the Christian Community. I believed Christian men and women would be as excited and supportive about my calling as I was. I was wrong. At one time, I had the courage to share my desires, dreams, and purpose that God gave me to leaders within the church. I begged for mentors and help reading and study the Bible only to be rejected. I didn’t fit the image nor was I allowed to be fully me. The reason I was looking for their approval because I was terrified of messing up and leading people the wrong way. I take this calling to help others very seriously. However, I was so afraid of the criticism from other Christians even though the Holy Spirit pressed upon me that I would fail and I would mess up but that was ok. God was with me.
There were a few conversations from Christians leaders that I had that actually make me sick to my stomach when I think about them. If I could only go back and wrap my arms around that young 30ish-year-old woman and speak love and courage over her reminding her that she was enough. The love she had for Jesus, her family and passion in her belly to help other women who didn’t feel like they fit in and was all God required. She didn’t need the support or approval from people.
Today, as I’ve been working on my website and coaching curriculum feeling a little discouraged, I found a testimony from Angela Phipps who is a friend of mine and I would like to share what she had to say, “
“The crazy thing is Kim and I first met on the Facebook page Bringing Light to the Matter and then grew our friendship on a private FB page Change ONE Thing!!! We finally met in person at the FROZEN event!! I feel like I’ve known her forever!! I love her and seeing what God is doing in and through her!!!
“I wonder what it’s like to be Kim when she comes to the profound realization that she is a FIRE STARTER?!
Last night I drove past Life Bridge & had that sad feeling of “Is this really all? Is there more God?”
Then I loudly proclaimed “God if you are hot lava about to erupt then I want to be the weakens piece of the planet you spew through!” I am on fire & for what exactly I do not know. I do know Kim is the sassy, wild spark that started this
I love you girl! Thank you for being obedient!”
I needed this reminder today.
I believe in God’s timing. Maybe this had to happen. Maybe not fitting is was God’s projection and didn’t want my family and me to establish roots where he didn’t intend for us to stay, regardless I cannot place the blame on anyone else and take responsibility for holding myself back and not trusting God. However, I’m thankful for the life lessons. These lessons have only increased my empathy and passion to help other people who have been overlooked especially, women and bring me to where I am today.
Girlfriends, If this blog resonates with you or maybe I’m just writing to myself today. Here are a few things I would like to share with you today.
- Begin to love and forgive yourself and others by allowing the Holy Spirit to heal you so that you can begin to see yourself the way God sees you so that you don’t waste any more time chasing the approval from people. You will fail. It’s ok. Wipe your tears and try again.
2. Let go of the past and forgive others. Surround yourself with people who see help bring the best out of you.
3. Continue to encourage other people. When you are secure with who you are you help and encourage other people to live out their dreams and purpose not yours. You see life and opportunity through the lens of abundance not lack. There is room at the table for everyone.
You can’ t go back. You can only move forward. If you are pissed off at yourself because you feel you wasted time and should be farther along remember, God uses all things for good for those who love Him. There is nothing you can do to stop his purpose He has for you.
Trust Him, the process and forgiving people along the way. Enjoy this marvelous and wild journey called life.
Photo credit: Upsplash @wilstewart3
If you would like to hire Kim to speak at your next event or in need of a certified life coach, please email her at kim@kimwattspeaks.com.
