I’ve been trying to think how I learned to show up fully with all my imperfections and never really striving for perfection or trying to pretend and give this illusion that my life is all put together. Because being honest and transparent I like to believe are a few of my gifts or what I like to call my superpowers.
Even though these are two of my superpowers, It’s been hard for me to own them because for a very long time I carried so much shame and couldn’t see any good within me or know my worth because of my past. I definitely screwed up so many things up in my life, betrayed myself and others and early on in my late teens and early twenties began spinning out of control by abusing my body with alcohol and this deep desire to be needed and accepted by men. But the one thing I guess I did right was I didn’t try to fake it. I was a mess and I wasn’t afraid to let you know.
But where did I begin to learn to be open and honest?
One of the many bad ass women who would teach me these much needed life lessons was a young girl by the name of Theresa Deloach. I met Theresa the summer before our 9th grade year. She was bold. She was brave. She was bossy. She sent the message out into the universe that young girls were allowed to speak their minds. She was comfortable in her skin and at a young age. She never felt the need to pretend. I loved her the minute she walked into my life. And eventually because of her persistence, she would become one of my dearest and closest friends. She loved her friends and faced her enemies. Whether you were someone she trusted or someone she didn’t like, if you pissed her off, she would be the first to let you know. There was no hiding behind a mask with Theresa.
But soon after we became friends, Theresa would be diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease which would require a liver transplant asap. She was only 14-year-old when she received this diagnosis. It’s hard to believe she was the the same age as one of my daughters is right now. Liver Transplants in the early 90s where extremely rare. There were no other options. If she did not receive a transplant she would eventually die. Thankfully A few years later, She would receive not one but two transplants in the matter of a few month. Not everyone is given the gift of life but to receive this gift twice was nothing but a miracle. We were all grateful and hopeful. But you can only imagine the devastation everyone faced when the second transplants failed. Theresa would die on my 18th birthday.
Since my 45th birthday is next week and spending time reflecting about my life during this quarantine, I’m thinking about her today. It’s weird. I didn’t plan on writing about her. The night before as I fall asleep, I pray and ask God to show me what I need to write the following day. As I sat down at my computer I began writing about my friend. I guess God wanted to not only share her memories with me but also share her with you.
Theresa knew how much I loved my birthday. She knew how much I loved her. Since she passed away on my birthday there is noway getting around not thinking about her or talking about my birthday without remembering her. I’s a gift I treasure.
As I look back and think of my friend ,I wonder if maybe the reason she was so fierce at such a young age was because something inside of her knew her time on earth would be short. Facing your own mortality makes you see life differently. And watching your friend face her own death changes you as well.
That friendship changed me. Not only did she help teach me how to be honest and real, I learned how to do hard things like face pain. Yes, facing your pain feels like it’s going to kill you. It doesn’t. But if does change you. If you allow the pain to do the job of healing & teaching you something about you, you not only realize it doesn’t just change you but transforms everything within you.
